Ill Read It Over Again Those Lines I Know You Keep Hoping That Ill Forget

Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.

Nothing good tin can come of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.

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Throughout human history, oceans accept been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and bully families have blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a center and propelled information technology on a noble, romantic mission.

On the other hand, that fourth dimension you lot told that girl y'all just started seeing that you would "catch a grenade" for her? Y'all did that because of a love song. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."

"It's just, my mom. You know? And L.A. is so hot in the summertime. And yep, my mom." Photograph via iStock.

That time yous held that boom box over your head outside your ex'southward house? You did that because of a beloved song. And 50 hours of customs service later, y'all're still non back together.

Dear songs are great. They make our hearts trounce faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give us terrible, terrible ideas about how bodily, real-life human relationships should work.

They're amazing. So amazing. And also terrible.

Here are half-dozen beloved songs that sound romantic just aren't, and i song that doesn't sound romantic only totally is:

1. "God Only Knows," by The Beach Boys

You can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Go Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."

When information technology comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of sound. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.

Youth! Youth! Youth! Photograph by Hulton Annal/Getty Images.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

I may not ever love you

But long as at that place are stars above yous

You never demand to doubtfulness information technology

I'll make you lot so sure virtually it

God but knows what I'd be without you

If y'all're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Just Knows" on your iPod, you lot should actually stop and outset over.

If y'all're lazily bumping a beach brawl over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the dorsum of your mind, y'all need to rethink the choices that got you to this betoken.

If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring information technology with the opening chords of "God Simply Knows," you lot are doing information technology wrong.

Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photograph by Colin Davey/Getty Images.

It's a song that merely feels like love. Pure love. Young love. Honey with a chill, kelp-y vibe.

What could be incorrect with that?

Here's why information technology's actually really, actually unromantic:

In that location's goose egg wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they fall asleep while you whisper the consummate works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.

"Miles Ryan stood on the dorsum porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.

Simply there is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.

If y'all should ever leave me

Though life would still go on believe me

The earth could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me?

Look, I become it. Breakups suck. There'due south no getting effectually that. Merely good God.

There's a huge divergence betwixt saying: "Hey baby, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll exist bummed if yous get." And saying: "Welp, you accepted that job in Seattle, then I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."

Only that's pretty much the gist hither. Which makes this line...

God only knows what I'd be without you

...horror-pic creepy. Because the respond, obviously, is: "I'd exist a corpse!"

Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.

That's not love. That's codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a grade of emotional corruption.

Investing all your happiness and sense of cocky-worth in any relationship — i that, by definition, might 1 24-hour interval stop — is putting a lot of eggs in 1 basket. Certain, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you have, I don't know, some hobbies. Accept a yoga form. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.

"Yeah! Hell yeah! What was her name once again?" Photograph by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.

One person cannot be anyone's exist-all and end-all. It'due south also stressful. And it prevents you from doing y'all, which is a thing that's gotta be done before you can do anything else.

No wonder she took that job in Seattle.

2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars

Sure, it's a breathy rip off of every Michael Jackson song you lot've always heard. But, we don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and every bit tribute acts get, yous could exercise a lot worse than Bruno Mars.

Wait at that face up. That face up! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.

Hither'southward why the vocal sounds romantic:

Treasure, that is what yous are

Dearest, you're my aureate star

You know you can make my wish come truthful

If you let me treasure you lot

If yous let me treasure you

Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade brand-out political party and you'll likely get an instant cost laissez passer on the highway to natural language-town (ew).

Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date nighttime is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-nonetheless-passionate frenching.

Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a cease sign, and they will think y'all're weird — simply probably nevertheless make out with y'all.

In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America considering of this song.

This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you lot're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photograph by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.

And I'1000 OK with that.

Simply, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:

Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.

Including its attitudes about gender.

"Children, have I always told you what I shouted at your female parent on the street the first time nosotros met?" Photograph by Jacobsen/Getty Images.

Things start to become south right from the very outset:

Give me your, give me your, give me your attending, baby

I gotta tell you lot a footling something about yourself

Ah aye. Nothing screams "respect" quite like a homo lecturing a strange woman on the street about something she "doesn't know about herself."

What could information technology exist? Could information technology be that her jokes are funny? Could it be that she'south got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction book most early modern High german history is extremely detailed and informative?

"Thanks for didactics me all virtually Martin Luther's bible!" Photograph by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.

Spoiler Alert: Information technology'south none of those.

Yous're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady

Merely you walk around here like you lot wanna be someone else

Oh. It'due south that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.

Word of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, information technology actually doesn't bear upon her twenty-four hours-to-24-hour interval so much that you, a consummate stranger, need to shout information technology at her (fifty-fifty over a funky disco snare).

And then what if she does want to be someone else? I'd love to exist someone else! I recall beingness Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A good fashion to spend a three-day weekend.

Sure, there'd be an adjustment period... Photograph by Eamonn Thou. McCormack/Getty Images.

And then later on, of grade, the narrator can't assist himself:

Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, yous should be smiling

A girl like you should never expect and then blue.

He respects her and then much, he's really direct-up telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to go off on angrily exhorting girls to "striking [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I guess everybody'south got a thing.

Yes, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange adult female and said woman being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex activity."

He then gain to talk to his potential lover like the globe's creepiest pirate:

You lot are my treasure, you are my treasure

Y'all are my treasure, yeah, yous, you, you, you are

You lot are my treasure, you are my treasure

You are my treasure, yeah, yous, you, yous, you are

Past this point, in his mind, she'southward a literal matter. An object. Which is plumbing fixtures.

I suppose it could exist worse, though. At least she'south not just any matter.

GIF from "The 2 Towers."

That's ... something, correct?

3. "Don't Think Twice, It's All Correct," by Bob Dylan

For every bit long as humans accept been dating each other, humans have been breaking upwards with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.

Bob Dylan, a guy who is adept at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.

Here'southward why it sounds romantic:

Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

Even you don't know by now

And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, infant

Information technology'll never do somehow

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn

Await out your window, and I'll be gone

You're the reason I'one thousand a-traveling on

Merely don't think twice, it's all right.

Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.

"Don't Think Twice" is a raw vocal. An honest song. A powerful vocal. It's the song your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her boyfriend left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller job, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chinkle store in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your high school band over to his apartment to jam.

"What timbre are y'all looking for?" Photograph past Sharon Ang/Pixabay.

Certain, it's almost the end of a human relationship, only it sounds romantic. And at the finish of the day, shouldn't that be enough?

Here's why it's really sooooo messed up:

Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right way to telephone call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties tin can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion near what went wrong.

Information technology'south non me, Joan. It's you. 100% you lot. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.

In "Don't Call up Twice," that discussion basically boils downwards to: "Information technology's your fault."

Allow'due south review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:

I gave her my center, but she wanted my soul

Ugh, women, right? You're all like, "Baby, I just have and so much unspecified love to requite," and she'due south like, "Take out the trash!" And you're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart exist enough?" And she'southward similar, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to do is take out the trash." And you're like, "You're bumming me out. I'grand gonna go play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did yous exercise? Why is she trying to change you? UGH!

Y'all could have done better, but I don't mind

Aye. Y'all do mind! You mind! You wrote a song about it, you passive-aggressive prick.

You merely kinda wasted my precious time

Ah yeah. Your time is so precious! Think virtually all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human being partnership when you could accept been futzing around with that home-brew kit.

Yes, this was worth it. Photograph past Nib Bradford/Flickr.

The minute you start breaking it down, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister's ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Store in boondocks for a while and at present might be in jail. Like your aunt's wind chime store, which would take airtight forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's absurd dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.

"Y'all kids want a beer? No one's under thirteen, right?" Photo via iStock.

Oh yep, and the vocal's narrator also indicate-blank refers adult female he's leaving every bit:

A child, I'yard told

That'south correct. In improver to existence a run-of-the-factory passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he'south also perhaps a pedophile.

Even if we are to have that this is a metaphor and she'due south not actually a kid — which in that location's no indication information technology is, just OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than information technology does on her.

Breaking upwardly with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.

Which, I suppose, may be the point.

4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver

Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?

This guy. Photo by Hughes Goggle box Network/Wikimedia Commons.

Hither's why it sounds romantic:

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the fourth dimension information technology was written.

'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane

To a modernistic ear, this would exist sort of like singing, "I'm a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that's somehow nonetheless folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer army camp. Not like shooting fish in a barrel to do!

Oh babe, I detest to go

You see — he hates to become! He but hates it! We know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he detest to go if he didn't love his partner just that much?

Come across ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Eatables.

Why indeed?

Here's why it's actually not that romantic at all:

All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world tin can only distract and then much from the fact that the vocal's main grapheme is well, kind of a jerkweed.

And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem like he hates being away all that much:

There's so many times I've let you down

So many times I've played around

I tell you at present, they don't hateful a matter

"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched lonely while you were domicile nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sexual activity I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to practice! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic fourth dimension. Only rest bodacious — completely empty, in an ontological sense."

"As empty as this bed I only finished having sex with someone else in." Photo via iStock.

Yeah, when you break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Aeroplane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'southward "good" despite all prove to the contrary.

And for all he claims to be cleaved up about having to part from his one and simply, the dude seems pretty excited about the flying. Oh, you're leaving on a jet plane, are y'all? Are yous Zone one? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter most the "terrible" Cibo limited salad yous were forced to choke down as you sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?

"Life and then hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.

He continues:

Ev'ry identify I go, I'll recall of you

Ev'ry vocal I sing, I'll sing for you

Ah cool. He'll think nigh her while strumming and making "my love is delicate equally the morning dew" optics at a waif-y grad student in the front end row. That pretty much makes upwardly for information technology all.

So he demands:

So osculation me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Later on all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to exist a form-A sleaze who can't exist trusted, he yet has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?

And here's the kicker:

When I come up back, I'll bring your nuptials ring

Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.

"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.

Unlike all the previous trips, where he'southward cheated a billion times, drained the family bank account, and but been a general screwup and thwarting.

But yeah. This time he says he'll bring dorsum a nuptials ring.

I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.

5. "When a Man Loves a Adult female," Percy Sledge

When you expect up "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this song.

Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo past Gene Pugh/Flickr.

Specifically, it plays you the very first line.

Here'due south why it sound very romantic:

When a human being loves a adult female

Sure, you can write the lyrics down, simply information technology doesn't even come up close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious hurting-belting:

WHEN A Human being LOVES A Woman

Closer ... but withal no.

WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!

Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!

It's an elemental lyric.

It's a center-shattering lyric.

Information technology's a lyric that demands you lot put your back into it.

It'due south perfection.

Every bit long as you don't keep listening.

Here's why the song is actually pretty horrifying:

From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a homo loves a woman.

Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said adult female?

He'd surrender all his comforts

And slumber out in the pelting

If she said that'southward the way

It ought to be.

Whoa! OK. No. Support. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a human being will dice of exposure and hypothermia.

Turn his back on his best friend if he put her downwardly.

No! Jeez. No. A man can't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A man needs friends! Once a man'south whole support organisation erodes out from under him, a man volition be bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a man's mental health will deteriorate.

I gave you everything I have

Tryin' to agree on to your heartless love

Baby, delight don't treat me bad.

This is non what happens "when a human loves a woman." It'southward what happens when a man loves a decision-making, manipulative adult female. An abusive woman. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.

"Information technology'south Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.

And that'due south not healthy.

Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for you.

(Side note: Lest it go unsaid, there is way more than one manner for a man to love a adult female. Peradventure they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the olfactory organ. Maybe they sleep in carve up bedrooms. Possibly they dress up in big, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a adult female. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)

Regardless of the depth of delivery, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no i-size-fits-all love solution. Every human relationship is a unique snowflake. Multifariousness is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There'due south more than one way to skin a true cat. A spoonful of carbohydrate helps the medicine get downward.

Information technology doesn't matter if information technology's the right metaphor, every bit long as information technology's a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.

Betoken being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You can do this! And if y'all ever find yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a telephone call.

6. "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," Heart

Honestly, Centre could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/Earth'due south Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and information technology would make me desire to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a tall, nighttime stranger at the end of a pier.

This vocal is perfect. You should e'er exist listening to it. If you're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the confront and Google it. It's just that important.

I am singing the phone book. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photo by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.

And so much passion. So much hurting. So much pilus.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Middle sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a central tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living existence on Earth: picking upward an unnervingly attractive homo for i night of mind-blowing sexual practice and then releasing him back into the wild to bone — just never quite as compellingly e'er again.

They sing:

It was a rainy night when he came into sight

Standing past the road, no umbrella, no coat

So I pulled up aslope and I offered him a ride

He accepted with a smile and then nosotros collection for a while

I don't have to get on considering yous know what happens next, and it'south crawly.

"I simply sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo past Rene Asmussen/Pexels.

Now, here's why this song is not romantic at all:

The relationship in "All I Wanna Practice" seems likewise good to be true. And it is. Because it's non an equally loving ,or even equally lusty, pairing at all.

Information technology's a...

It'due south a...

Well. You know what it is:

Practiced at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo past Pikawil/Flickr.

For a while, things are humming along simply fine, like any wholesome, illicit, bearding affair should:

I didn't inquire him his proper noun, this lonely boy in the rain

Fate, tell me it's correct, is this love at first sight?

Sure, many of us might hesitate to pick upwardly a foreign leather-jacket-clad man continuing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, but our narrator just has a feeling nearly this guy, and sometimes, you lot gotta get with your gut.

I can respect that.

We made magic that nighttime

He did everything correct

Slap-up! Seems like information technology was a skillful decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big fourth dimension.

Simply then, without alarm, the vocal starts to sound less like an all-time groovy romance and more like a story men's rights activists tell each other as they vape effectually a bivouac:

I told him "I am the flower, you lot are the seed

We walked in the garden, nosotros planted a tree

Don't endeavor to discover me, please don't you dare

Just live in my memory, you'll always be there"

I'k not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "bloom," "seed," "garden," and "tree," all of a sudden mean wildly unlike things in the context of man reproduction than they have since sex was first invented in the early-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!

HELLO! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.

Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. Yous might be tempted to retrieve, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."

To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:

So it happened i day

We came circular the aforementioned way

You can imagine his surprise

When he saw his ain eyes

There are two possibilities here.

Ane: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York Urban center subway ad from nine years agone:

Photograph past eyedonation.org.

Or two: She totally conned a dude into whipping upwardly a baby on the sly.

I said, "Delight, please sympathize

Ah, sure. Aye. No worries.

I'chiliad in love with another homo

Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has at present wrecked not one just two lives.

And what he couldn't requite me, oh, no

Was the one petty thing that you can"

A HUMAN LIFE! A Real SENTIENT HUMAN LIFE THAT IS Not INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!

The best yous can say almost that is that information technology'southward not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket human being probably should have been responsible for his ain birth command. Or, at the very least, asked more than questions .

But ... it's not cute. Information technology's not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves hold).

And at the end of the day, the shadiest grapheme in this song is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.

Which... is maxim something.

Simply there is a love song that is truly, madly, securely perfect. An unassailable track in a sea of problematic faves.

A song that does everything right.

A vocal that paints a portrait of a good for you partnership congenital to last.

A vocal that can double as a manual for the platonic man romantic relationship.

And that vocal is...

"Candy Shop," by l Cent, featuring Olivia

Hither'due south why you might be — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:

l Cent (L) and that guy. Y'all know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

As catchy as "Candy Shop" is, as fun it is to dance to, and every bit cathartic equally it can be to scream in the centre of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.thousand., there's no getting effectually the fact that the vocal begins like this:

I'll take yous to the candy shop

I'll let you lot lick the lollipop

I'll post that once again, in example you missed some of the nuance:

I'll take you to the processed shop

I'll let you lot lick the lollipop

Way to take ane for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!

At starting time glance, "Candy Store" is nobody'southward idea of a classic love vocal.

The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The shell is kinda basic. The hook is similar the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."

OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."

It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Burn" on your new Xbox 360.

It's non a song you'd put on a mixtape for your trounce. Information technology'southward not a song yous'd play for your spouse when the kids are at home with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. Information technology's certainly non a song y'all'd include on the video photo montage you fabricated for your grandparents' silver anniversary.

It'southward but not.

Simply it should be.

And then hither it is. Here'southward why "Processed Shop" by l Cent, featuring Olivia, is really the perfect relationship song:

You wanna back that thing upwardly or should I push button up on it? Photograph by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.

The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The vocalist starts filling out his fellatio permission sideslip. It's but been twenty seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang information technology up with "Candy Shop."

But and then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the course of a female vocalism joining the track, cutting through the din like a clarion call.

She sings:

I'll take you to the processed shop (yeah)

Boy, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)

I'll have yous spendin' all you got (come on)

Proceed going 'til you hit the spot, whoa

Information technology'due south common! Information technology'southward mutual! They're performing oral sex activity on each other!

Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!

Go, cunnilingus doves, get! Photo by liz westward/Flickr.

fifty Cent himself may non exist the world'south greatest partner — for example, according to one of his exes, he'southward done some pretty unforgivable things.

Only the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets information technology:

Y'all could have it your way, how do you want it?

Rather than only imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Simply Knows ("I'grand going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'grand going to treat you similar a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Make Beloved to You," ("I'yard going to pull a fast one on y'all into knocking me upward!") — the "Candy Store" guy really asks his partner what she wants.

Which, in the earth of popular music, is practiced for about 50,000 trillion points.

And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?

It's any you're into

'Cause consent is sexy!

I ain't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya

The narrator of "Candy Store" is certainly ... assertive about his desires.

But here's the key thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's clearly into information technology. And we know this because she says so.

The lines of consent in "Candy Store" are vivid cherry, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly pasty guild floor.

Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo past Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.

Girl what we do ...

And where nosotros do ...

The things we exercise ...

Are just between me and you

No matter how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. It will be private. There will exist no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely exist a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).

If you exist a nympho, I'll be a nympho

Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the instance of "Candy Shop") minutes long.

She may accept a high sexual activity drive, but dude is graciously offering to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids but might go the distance after all.

And at the end of the solar day, what is a relationship just ii nymphos, sharing health insurance?

Thanks, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.

Information technology's like it'south a race who could get undressed quicker

Over again, everybody is having a smashing time. And, critically, an as great fourth dimension.

I touch the right spot at the right fourth dimension

Of class, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop striking without a spot of random braggadocio, but if we're to take him at his give-and-take, "Candy Shop" guy is at least as good at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Brand Love to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.

The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he'due south not a hero or a stranger in the nighttime or a funky, shimmering love god. He's a good partner.

"Processed Shop" is raunchy. It's dirty. It's not your grandmother'south love song.

But when you strip away the swagger, the back beat, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Heart Eastern Music 1993," past the end of the vocal, both people are satisfied. And at the terminate of the day, isn't that what a good for you relationship is all about?

Yep.

Uh-huh.

Photo past Francois Durand/Getty Images.

And then seductive.

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Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is

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